Huh?
LSU spring drills, heavy rain on the North & South shores, and some yuppie grunge gathering called Foburg? Ra Ra who? Who cares about these kinds of things. We have much more important news here in Louisiana ladies and gents…
This just in, hot off the wire: The 1st Great Era is over, and the Man Mane is now gone.
Wha?
Yes, that’s right… we go now to the Dirty Bourbon headquarters for an exclusive essay from the au revoir scruffianage bandleader himself:
End of a Beautiful Black and Golden-Bearded Era
By Noah Adams
Please forgive me dear people of Louisiana, I hate to divulge such groundbreaking news at a moment like this – news that will surely crush the bacon and mentholyptus-flavored limelights of college football, forgotten shanty embankments and those silly, queer little rabbits prancing around on the other side of the river’s nipple. But the people are asking, and so the story must be told…
Yes, it is true what they say. After a long, healthy, soulful journey, I have decided to shave off my beard. It was a glorious twenty-eight weeks, but I have my reasons, one being that I had sinned an awful lot over Mardi Gras, and I felt it necessary to repent on Ash Wednesday.
Many people have already started to react.
Delta Gamma Aerobics Instructor Alexandra Earnst of Metarie, LA asks “Completely gone?!?”
Yes, I am afraid so my little hula-hoopin’ darlin’.
Fellow Delta Gamma and former Loyola University Student Body President Sarah Cooper of Mandeville, LA responds “I don’t think we can be friends anymore.”
Sad face Sarah. 
Sad face.
New Orleanian Iain Weigert asks: “WHAT! Did you film it? And did you shave it into creative shapes? Did you get people to sponsor the shavening? Did you at least donate it to locks of love?“
Sorry Iain, I did not film it per say, but I think you will find something at the bottom of this missive that will find your curiosities well. As for shaving it into creative shapes, no – while shaving, Charleston Gypsy Rock front woman Megan Jean suggested I create a question mark mustache soul patch, and I myself considered the A la Souvarov, the french fork, the ducktail, the handlebar, the balbo, the hulihee, the zappa, and the imperial fu manchu.
Alas, it did not feel right.
You asked did I get people to sponsor the shavening? Well, I very much would have liked to, but I would have been too bashful campaigning for something like that. And to answer your final question Iain, No, I did not think Locks of Love would be able to use my beard as a whig – upside down, it would’ve looked like some kind of strange light socket-gelled black and gold halfro.
It seems my actions have stirred up a bit of national rabeling as well. Joshua Gilliland of Roanoke, VA says he “dislike[s]” my act of shaving, but asks in a later message “is there a photo of the final look?”
Yes, Mr. Gilliand, a photo of the final week – week 28 – has been made available to the Dirty Bourbon River Show, and will be published soon, if not already.
I think Virginia Flyn of Portland, OR said it best when she wrote, of the shaving, simply:
“done.”
I hope this answers some of your questions, and if you have any more, please don’t hesitate to ask. I don’t mean to be mysterious. It was the right time, that’s all.
Whenever at the end of a familiar road, it is only natural to feel a sad face coming on. But do not worry, for in every ceasement of existence their is a new rebirth, and guess what?
I’m growing another one.
And this one is going to be bigger, badder, older, and longer than the last one.
So wipe that off your face. There’s no need for fussin’. Good things are a’ happening my friends.
~ Noah Adams
And there you have it folks.
As a little bonus, we’ve put together a super sweet documentary with our dear friends Sun Eye Productions on Noah’s twenty-eight week-long beard journey. Check it out here:
Hope you enjoy the movie, and don’t forget to check out the new record while you’re at it:
Until then my friends….
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